Somewhere along the line, I lost the fact that life is about choice. I remember growing up in suburbia living behind the madness of my alcoholic and abusive parents and never wanting anyone to know the truth of what was going on inside the walls of our house. You see, as a boy I made a choice to not let anyone in; to stay hidden in my world of blame and self destruction. It's not difficult to surmise how my life continued, only to say that I gave up my power of choice. I accompanied myself with people who were blamers, accusers, and judgers - never taking accountability for their own life and afraid to make any changes.
It wasn't until I was in my twenties, beaten down and practically self-destroyed, that I came to realize that there was choice - there was another way. (I would be aloof if I don't make a note of my family and friends who helped me find the path - THANK YOU!)
The other day, leroy stopped by with one of his friends just to say hey. That was cool. The fact that he found a solace in me that gave him the freedom to just show up. We were talking about whatever, throwing snowballs at each other, when his friend said to me "how can i get a big brother?"
There's so much in that statement that makes me want to smile. One of the things I thought about was how this boy, behind his tough and rugged exterior, found his bravery and shared his vunerability with both of us. He talked about his difficulty in school. He talked about wanting to stand up for the weaker kids and still try to be a tough guy. He talked about his confusion and frustration.
As soon as I heard him start to blame other people for what was going on in his life, I stopped him. I reminded him that he's the one who makes the decision. He's the one who's responsible for his actions. He's the one who is going to be held accountable. No matter who he blames, no matter where his finger points, he is to always hold up the mirror and take a look at himself and ask "what are my choices?"
"If you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you." ...(Rocky Balboa)
- gt
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Challenge! Inspire! Encourage!
If you would walk into my home and look up, you would see a hand-painted country sign - to go with the rest of the decor - that hangs from the rafter and reads Challenge! Inspire! Encourage! I remember picking this sign out of the many available at the flee market that day. Something about it demanded my attention. Something about it whispered to me - need a life mission, here you go.
Hmm, mission - is that like "Mission Impossible" or more like the "Jerry Mcguire" mission statement. Dare I compare it to the latter. My experience with men's work has brought me to an organization that is built on mission and service - The ManKind Project. I bring this up, not to promote the organization (although that would probably be a good thing in my humble opinion), but to tell you that my mission has directed me to a world of love, compassion, hope, inspiration, encouragement, and joy!
I digress - So, Leroy, my brother, his two sons, and I decided to take a trip to an indoor activity house called Ozzies (Leesport, PA). This place is full of great fun - rock walls, ropes course, laser tag, arcade games - everything you need to fill your day with senseless play...and maybe something more - maybe a greater sense of self?
Leroy was playing basketball and the rest of us were timing ourselves in the rope climb (my younger brother [cough,cough] had the best time of 11.5 sec]. Now imagine this; a rope wall, similar to the ones you see in the military commercials, about 12 feet high, then 4 horizontal wooden beams above that every 3 feet. At the very top, a cow bell to announce your victory.
I decided to pull Leroy from the sport he could play anywhere and bring him over to the wall of competition. Although his mouth said "yeah, this wall's no problem", his body disagreed. He got to the end of the rope wall and decided to come back down. I wasn't sure how to handle that...did I let it go and move on to another sport OR did I challenge him to another climb? Anyone who knows me will tell you what I decided to do.
So as he was preparing for his second climb, I had this sense of mission, this drive to help him succeed. I thought to myself, he's going to be a stronger young man once he does this...he's going to believe in himself even more. I needed to proceed. Once he got to the end of the rope, he started to hesitate. I got my brother and nephews involved in encouraging him, yelling for him to succeed - "Go Leroy! You got it! Don't stop!" He kept it up - he got to the first beam, up and over. He came to the second - "Go, Go Go!". He made it...to the third...finally, as he approached the fourth beam, he stopped. He was done. His arms shaking from pulling himself up. His brow sweating from the battle. There was no way he wasn't going to ring that bell, I thought. I took a breath, went into my heart and said "Leroy, take a breath, and with all you have, pull yourself up and ring that bell." HE DID IT! It was awesome. He had this look on his face like he just moved a mountain. On his descent, we all applauded and praised him for his win...what a great moment.
On the way home, after a well-deserved bite to eat, we talked about the climb. I'm not sure exactly what I expected him to learn but it came to me in one small statement..."You know what Greg, next time I need to climb that wall, it's going to be easier."
No Doubt.
- gt
Hmm, mission - is that like "Mission Impossible" or more like the "Jerry Mcguire" mission statement. Dare I compare it to the latter. My experience with men's work has brought me to an organization that is built on mission and service - The ManKind Project. I bring this up, not to promote the organization (although that would probably be a good thing in my humble opinion), but to tell you that my mission has directed me to a world of love, compassion, hope, inspiration, encouragement, and joy!
I digress - So, Leroy, my brother, his two sons, and I decided to take a trip to an indoor activity house called Ozzies (Leesport, PA). This place is full of great fun - rock walls, ropes course, laser tag, arcade games - everything you need to fill your day with senseless play...and maybe something more - maybe a greater sense of self?
Leroy was playing basketball and the rest of us were timing ourselves in the rope climb (my younger brother [cough,cough] had the best time of 11.5 sec]. Now imagine this; a rope wall, similar to the ones you see in the military commercials, about 12 feet high, then 4 horizontal wooden beams above that every 3 feet. At the very top, a cow bell to announce your victory.
I decided to pull Leroy from the sport he could play anywhere and bring him over to the wall of competition. Although his mouth said "yeah, this wall's no problem", his body disagreed. He got to the end of the rope wall and decided to come back down. I wasn't sure how to handle that...did I let it go and move on to another sport OR did I challenge him to another climb? Anyone who knows me will tell you what I decided to do.
So as he was preparing for his second climb, I had this sense of mission, this drive to help him succeed. I thought to myself, he's going to be a stronger young man once he does this...he's going to believe in himself even more. I needed to proceed. Once he got to the end of the rope, he started to hesitate. I got my brother and nephews involved in encouraging him, yelling for him to succeed - "Go Leroy! You got it! Don't stop!" He kept it up - he got to the first beam, up and over. He came to the second - "Go, Go Go!". He made it...to the third...finally, as he approached the fourth beam, he stopped. He was done. His arms shaking from pulling himself up. His brow sweating from the battle. There was no way he wasn't going to ring that bell, I thought. I took a breath, went into my heart and said "Leroy, take a breath, and with all you have, pull yourself up and ring that bell." HE DID IT! It was awesome. He had this look on his face like he just moved a mountain. On his descent, we all applauded and praised him for his win...what a great moment.
On the way home, after a well-deserved bite to eat, we talked about the climb. I'm not sure exactly what I expected him to learn but it came to me in one small statement..."You know what Greg, next time I need to climb that wall, it's going to be easier."
No Doubt.
- gt
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